"Number Nine"

"Number Nine"
{excerpts from the "Rat Acid" Bible}
AS TOLD BY SIEZURE CHORDS
On a recent contact visit THE LORD smashed grapefruit
in satans face then he lost all his goodtime
because he got caught with a home composting kit
hid in his cell,his plan was to turn it into a
tattoo machine. He had a plan,
if he could get himself put in the same cell
or even close to Mr.Charlie{Mansion} he could get the
goods on where this "bottomless pit" really was
well he was put in a holding cell with him one
bright day and found out that the beach boys guy
sold the bottomless pit to some poperotzi outfit
that sold bogus maps of the stars houses.
he had many unanswered questions
how did the beach boys guy come to own it
and Charlie got pissed.
and shrugged him off,saying he was the machine
Well maybe god was the machine or a part of it
but he wanted out
and he wanted out now.
so he was back in his cell and he decided to get
on the good side of mansion
he would sing the beautiful
people to him as he passed his cell
on the way to doc johnsons or was it doc matiens?
so the lord carved two crosses in his forehead
like Mr.Charlies and that did'nt work
well,they got to talking one day about
"one flew over the cuccoos nest" and the lord was in
so charlie hooked him up the
lord did some more witchcraft
and gave mansion free cable and he in turn
had the system let the god guy go
when he got out he kissed the ground
he went into town and saw rambo and he told him
bout the trouble he had with the laws
and the lord was down the road.
he ended up joining some freak cult and
meet a girl who had one more breast than the budda
the lord shaved his head
and started selling books at the airport
and underground magizines at the music stores
on consignment
{he heard Frank Zappa sold encyopdias}
and he was some sort of inspiration
when he ran into satan at the atm machine
he fucked him up
and is bieng sued for about a dozen different things
by the devil dude,anyway satan smoked marboro reds
and the lord smoked menthols
and mansion rolled his own
and they all got into nine inch nails
but only shimp liked pearl jam
shimp was satans replacement
as an angel
but wouldnt turn in his wings
said they was rusted amongst other reasons
so shimp had no wings and the act was busted up
shimp didnt wanna sell no books at the airports
and wore blackface make up told people he was looking
for the underground railroad
and showed 'em the curly shuffle they told him where
the pit was.
the locusts at the opening of the pit
we're mean as hell and it stung bad
it didnt matter if shimp had the
face of a lion it still hurt.
Shimp was waiting for the other guys to get there
before he went in Iggy Pop was guarding the opening
{He's part Locust}
so shimp hit him on top the head with
maxwells silver hammer and it swung around and hit him
in the chin afterward,and fucked 'em up.
who cares he lived in adam ants closet
and did'nt even have a job or pay taxes
{maxwell is that spy that runs with the 99 chick}
this bieng the year 1999 A.D. they had the real maps
and was eager to help
pretty soon everybody showed up and was ready
to enter the pit mansion the beach boys guy
the devil dude the fbi the five-o the god guy all except for mick
he stopped to write a song about it
ie some shit about running red lights for god?
so maybe he got pulled over
WHATS IN THE PIT?
Written by Travis Ray Cole